Shine Theory

Shine Theory is a practice of mutual investment in each other. It is an investment, over the long term, in helping someone be their best self—and relying on their help in return. It is a conscious decision to bring your full self to your friendships, and to not let insecurity or envy ravage them. Shine Theory is a commitment to asking, “Would we be better as collaborators than as competitors?” The answer is almost always yes.

People know you by the company you keep. Shine Theory is recognizing that true confidence is infectious, and if someone is tearing you down or targeting you as competition, it’s often because they are lacking in confidence or support themselves. It’s a practice of cultivating a spirit of genuine happiness and excitement when your friends are doing well, and being there for them when they aren’t.

Don’t mistake this for networking. Shine Theory is not about trying to help everyone you meet along the way in your career, because if you’re doing it right, it’s simply not possible to invest deeply in that many people. There are only so many hours and so many email replies in any given day.

Shine Theory is intentional. It is accountable. It is personal. It’s also pretty simple: “I don’t shine if you don’t shine.”

FAQ

Will you come to my group / workplace / conference to speak about Shine Theory?

Maybe! Please send a request to our assistant, Arianne Young (assistant@bigfriendship.com). Note that we expect to be compensated for our time and labor.

Can I name my business / organization / club after Shine Theory?

No. We unfortunately have to turn down requests like this on a regular basis and while we are honored that you’d want to name your biz/club/whatever Shine Theory, we’d rather you not. Shortly after we began talking about Shine Theory publicly, an evil lady entrepreneur tried to start a not-body-posi fitness empire called “Shine Theory.” We fought very hard and paid lots of dollars to get the trademark to this phrase to prevent that from happening in the future, because it is important to us that the meaning of Shine Theory not be diluted.

We don’t grant our blessing to the many entrepreneurs and founders who request to use the name every year because we care so much about this concept. We don’t have the time to be constantly following up to make sure it’s being used true to its feminist spirit and definition. It's important to us that it is used accurately and not in service of any one brand or business.

Can I name my event after Shine Theory?

No. We discourage people, especially those at for-profit companies, from devoting entire conferences, events, or sessions to Shine Theory, especially if they are not inviting us to participate and compensating us as the originators of this concept. However, we are OK with Shine Theory being cited in the context of a broader talk, discussion, or session. As always, we would appreciate it being defined and credited accurately.

Can I create an ad campaign using Shine Theory?

Absolutely not. The reason Shine Theory is an accessible shorthand is because of the work we have put in to define it and make it a mainstream concept. Shine Theory is not about taking credit for or making money off of others’ ideas.

Can I cite Shine Theory in my book or article?

Yes, with proper credit! Please refer to our definition of Shine Theory, and name both Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman as the creators of this concept. If this website will not suffice, you can cite Big Friendship as the source.

Can I discuss Shine Theory in the classroom or as a small part of a larger event?

Yes, again, with proper credit! Please refer to our definition of Shine Theory above or in Big Friendship, and cite both Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman as the creators of this concept.

Where can I read more about Shine Theory?

There’s a whole chapter of our book, Big Friendship, devoted to the subject. Please request it from your local library, purchase it from an independent bookseller, or borrow it from a friend.